We believe that certain big ideas - certain words - still matter. To some, virtue may seem antiquated, but certain ennobling traits are no less relevant today than they were centuries ago. These are the ideals to which we continue to aspire. But we've noticed there is a disconnect between the character traits we aspire to in most aspects of our lives and the standards we hold for ourselves when it comes to sex.
But why should we have lower standards for ourselves when it comes to sex? We believe we don't have to give up our ideals and aspirations for love and relationships. We believe that we have a choice:
We can choose to strive for integrity, dignity, strength, and romance. Or we can settle for less than what we want and less than who we are.
We invite you to consider these ideals as you explore these reflections and we challenge you to ask yourself,
Do these words still matter to you?
I don't need a man. A relationship would just tie me down … keep me from being me.
But I keep finding myself in this one guy's bed … he doesn't treat me right … just the same old late night texts, once, maybe twice a week, and I keep letting myself fall for it.
I know i'm stronger than this … so why don't I act like it?
yeah, i'm tough. I work hard … give my all every practice … try to do the right thing. My friends say they can count on me.
But when it comes to sex, why don't I even try to fight this urge? I believe in living a clean life … so why don't I care about discipline here?
What's so tough about taking some girl home when we both drank too much?
of course i have it. I respect others. I volunteer. I care about women's rights and equality.
But my boyfriend wants me to act like a girl in his porn. What's the big deal? I just go along, but I don't really like it … I feel pretty anxious … degraded.
Why is it always just about sex? That's not who I am.
The men I really respect have it. Do I? Last night was fun, but I always feel bad the morning after.
She wants to talk … what is there to talk about? We both enjoyed it, so there's nothing wrong with it, right? We both knew what we were getting into.
The men I really respect don't act like this. Isn't there more to me than some drunk guy sleeping around?
I pictured nice dinners out, deep conversations, holding hands across campus.
Instead, my friends and his friends always meet at a party … already drunk. Then he takes me home. Now the guy I thought loved me, left me in bed without a good-bye and ignores me whenever I see him around.
If this is what love is like, then I don't want it at all.
I see her going to class on Friday mornings … she looks sweet, pretty … then out on Saturday nights … looking hot.
My friends are all out trying to get laid. But I don't want to just hook up. She's better then that. Heck, i'm better than that. How could I show her I actually like her?
Maybe a real date? what if I asked her out instead of just hooking up again?
How did it become a joke? where did I say I left mine, again … was it in his bed? My friends and I laugh about our conquests over brunch.
But are theY really so funny? sometimes I want him to call, but i'm not supposed to. I can't admit that I want more, but I really do. Is something wrong with me?
Liberation was supposed to empower me … so why do I feel so helpless?
What is that? I guess I have it. I don't know. But who doesn't like messing around with girls every weekend?
I should want to, It's supposed to make me feel happy … Alive. But it doesn't. I'm actually feeling pretty down these days. Just not good about myself.
Maybe if I knew what dignity really meant, i'd feel more like the man I want to be.